Roast of the Movie
Films, series, streaming platforms and cinema habits, reviewed with a little patience and a low tolerance for expensive nonsense. The archive covers what works on screen, what collapses under its own marketing and why the experience around a story can matter as much as the story itself. Expect spoilers to be handled carefully, franchises to answer for themselves and cinema sound to receive the respect it keeps invoicing us for.
The Mandalorian and Grogu: IMAX Scale and Puppet Cracks
The Mandalorian and Grogu delivers IMAX spectacle, but stiff creature movement, franchise dependence and a weak box-office finish expose cracks in the armour.
The Christophers: Gandalf, Art and the Inheritance Trap
Steven Soderbergh’s The Christophers turns art into inheritance bait, while Ian McKellen makes the whole thing feel like theatre with invoices attached.
Jurassic Park Still Roars While Standard Screens Squint
Jurassic Park still proves what cinema scale can do, while tired standard screens, scarce IMAX rooms and stronger home TVs make exhibitors look prehistoric.
Mortal Kombat II: IMAX Blood, Arcade Brain, Fine Enough
Mortal Kombat II gets the IMAX roar, Johnny Cage jokes and game nostalgia right, while proving a button-mash plot can still earn applause.
The Devil Wears Prada 2 And The Luxury Cinema Bottleneck
A sharp roast of The Devil Wears Prada 2, sequel culture, luxury theatre scarcity, AI slop, fashion branding and cinema’s expensive nostalgia machine.
Exit 8 Finds Horror in One Corridor and Eight Bad Choices
Exit 8 turns one sterile subway corridor into a Japanese soul audit, proving a tiny game adaptation can haunt harder than loud western spectacle…
Michael: The IMAX Moonwalk Through Cinema’s Funeral Ads
Michael dazzles in IMAX, while pre-film streaming adverts make cinema look like it is rehearsing its own funeral in surround sound, one subscription at…
Lee Cronin’s The Mummy: IMAX Gauze, Small Scares, No Soul
Lee Cronin’s The Mummy is roasted as IMAX-sized possession horror: gross, loud, overlong, and barely a mummy beneath all that expensive gauze and dust.
Super Mario Galaxy and Cinema’s Premium-Format Fossil Club
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie made a billion while cinemas still ration sharp projection and strong sound through costly premium-format upgrades in 2026.
One roast at a time
No spam. No motivational soup. Just the latest receipt when it is ready.