Roast of the Movie
Films, series, streaming platforms and cinema habits, reviewed with a little patience and a low tolerance for expensive nonsense. The archive covers what works on screen, what collapses under its own marketing and why the experience around a story can matter as much as the story itself. Expect spoilers to be handled carefully, franchises to answer for themselves and cinema sound to receive the respect it keeps invoicing us for.
The Magic Faraway Tree and the big-screen babysitter problem
A fact-led roast of The Magic Faraway Tree, a family fantasy that sells nature, wifi withdrawal and countryside virtue with more sofa charm than…
Ready or Not 2 turns satanic satire into sequel sludge
Ready or Not 2 piles satanic parody, gore and sequel noise onto a follow-up that forgets recaps, injuries and why the first film worked…
Project Hail Mary and the Great Cinema Seat Nuisance Tax
Project Hail Mary dazzles in IMAX, but the real sci-fi horror is modern cinema: cramped rows, popcorn warfare and premium prices for neck strain.
The Good Boy sells teen panic as therapy through captivity
A dry roast of The Good Boy, where teen panic, forced reform and prestige gloom collide in a thriller that says more about fear…
The Revenant review: frozen misery on a giant IMAX screen
The Revenant is glorious in IMAX and exhausting almost everywhere else – a beautiful endurance test about revenge, colonisation and money dressed as art.
Reminders of Him forgets why cinemas charge actual money
Colleen Hoover’s Reminders of Him reaches for tears and redemption, but lands in the soft middle: watchable enough, costly enough, and built for streaming.
How to Make a Killing proves the mid-budget gap is gone
A dry roast of How to Make a Killing and the shrinking gap between cinema and streaming, where only IMAX still gives leaving home…
The Bride! turns Frankenstein into critics-only theatre
The Bride! dresses Frankenstein in art-house noise, sexualised gloom and IMAX expense, then wonders why cinema audiences drift back to streaming again.
Scream 7: IMAX screams, sofa boredom, and AI ghost calls
Scream 7 arrives in IMAX with franchise polish, sequel fatigue, and AI deepfake winks. A slasher that talks like a podcast and forgets to…
One roast at a time
No spam. No motivational soup. Just the latest receipt when it is ready.