Roast of the Movie
Films, series, streaming platforms and cinema habits, reviewed with a little patience and a low tolerance for expensive nonsense. The archive covers what works on screen, what collapses under its own marketing and why the experience around a story can matter as much as the story itself. Expect spoilers to be handled carefully, franchises to answer for themselves and cinema sound to receive the respect it keeps invoicing us for.
Clayface: Skin Falls Apart While Cinema Faces Its Future
Clayface delivers skin-crawling horror while Meta plans IMAX Enhanced glasses for 2027. A roast of cinema, scientific doom and the hope of healing tissue.
Wildwood: Childhood Magic Comes With a 12A Warning Label
Wildwood is beautiful, bold and unexpectedly brutal. Its dark fantasy leaves a strange question: are children tougher now, or merely more exposed to fear?
Street Fighter (2026): IMAX Wins, Common Sense Taps Out
Street Fighter (2026) is loud, childish and oddly entertaining in IMAX. Take away the giant screen and this video-game adaptation has little left to…
Other Mommy: A Small Screen for a Whole Family of Horrors
Other Mommy makes the cinema screen feel smaller, even as its ghosts, doubles and familiar horrors pile up. At least the sound finally behaves…
The Social Reckoning: New Name, Same Old Profit Machine
A roast of The Social Reckoning, where Facebook’s whistleblower exposes the old profit machine while Meta counts billions and prepares to repeat it with…
The Uprising (2026): The Crown Eats While Peasants Starve
A roast of The Uprising (2026), where hungry peasants rebel, a teenage king retreats from his promises, and Andrew Garfield brings medieval England to…
Verity (2026): Writing, Desire and Familiar Screen Baggage
Verity is more fun than Digger, oddly personal for a writer, and impossible to watch without Dakota Johnson and Anne Hathaway carrying old screen…
Digger: Big Stars, Fossil Fools and the Wrong IMAX Screen
Digger brings Tom Cruise, climate satire and Fossil Fools to IMAX, then spends much of its runtime making the giant screen feel like expensive…
Heart of the Beast: Big Scenery, Good Dog, Small Surprise
Heart of the Beast gives Brad Pitt and a combat dog 101 minutes in the wilderness, but the dog supplies more heart than the…
One roast at a time
No spam. No motivational soup. Just the latest receipt when it is ready.