Roast of the Movie
Films, series, streaming platforms and cinema habits, reviewed with a little patience and a low tolerance for expensive nonsense. The archive covers what works on screen, what collapses under its own marketing and why the experience around a story can matter as much as the story itself. Expect spoilers to be handled carefully, franchises to answer for themselves and cinema sound to receive the respect it keeps invoicing us for.
Practical Magic 2: Old Magic, New Curse, Same Old Cinema
Practical Magic 2 revives the Owens witches, Lee Pace and a 28-year-old spell, while ordinary cinema still struggles to feel much more magical than…
Runner (2026): Enjoyable, Familiar and Built for Streaming
Runner is enjoyable action with solid performances, but its familiar chase mechanics and soft opening make the sofa feel like its natural finish line.
Fall 2: Deadpoint – Heights Were Already Enough Trouble
Fall 2: Deadpoint makes a 4,000-foot plank walk terrifying enough, then adds drugs and extra plot tension as if gravity had somehow stopped doing…
Independence Day: Advanced Aliens, Basic Computer Problems
Independence Day returns to cinemas with 1990s charm, giant alien ships and a computer virus that makes interstellar travel seem the easier part to…
One Night Only: When the Sex Purge Goes Looking for Love
One Night Only turns premarital sex into an annual stampede, then quietly argues that finding one real connection can make the whole frenzy irrelevant.
Kiki’s Delivery Service: One Broom, More Magic Than Potter
A loving roast of Kiki’s Delivery Service, where one broom, a cat and a simple story create more cinema magic than entire wizard franchises…
The Dog Stars: IMAX Wins While Cinema Waits for Extinction
Ridley Scott’s The Dog Stars works in IMAX, but why ordinary cinemas still lag behind as smart glasses, home screens and AI doom close…
Spa Weekend and the Strange Luxury of Not Pressing Pause
Cineworld Unlimited got me into Spa Weekend, a film I would have saved for streaming. Somehow, its silly chaos became a reminder that adults…
Mutiny (2026): Jason Statham’s Same Old Formula Still Works
Mutiny gives Jason Statham another highly trained ordinary bloke to unleash, and somehow the familiar formula still works better than its reviews suggest.
One roast at a time
No spam. No motivational soup. Just the latest receipt when it is ready.