Lede
We print “planet matters” on glossy brochures. Then we wipe with the forest.

What does not make sense

• Waste on a scale that could feed cities, yet billed to the consumer as their fault.
• Cutting trees to make toilet paper, then running campaigns to “save the trees.”
• Recycling loops that take more energy than they save, while fresh forests fall.
• Furniture, packaging, and “green” marketing — all fuelled by the lungs of Earth.
• Boasting human intelligence while acting like the only species that destroys its own air supply.

Sense check

Technology exists to cut waste: bamboo pulp, recycled fibres, smart packaging. But the mindset lags centuries behind. If “do not cut the thing that lets you breathe” has to be explained, we’re not advanced. We’re absurd.

The sketch

• Scene one: Poster says “Planet First” pinned to a tree being felled.
• Scene two: Factory churns out toilet rolls labelled “Fresh Forest.”
• Scene three: Consumer unrolls paper, sighs at an ad that says “Think Green.”

What to watch, not the show

• Corporate “green pledges” that offset, not reduce.
• Recycling sold as salvation while demand keeps climbing.
• Convenience always priced above common sense.
• A forest cut quicker than it can regrow.

The Hermit take

The smartest animal does not cut its lungs to wipe its arse.

Keep or toss

Toss the greenwash. Keep the trees.