Lede

Streaming promised to kill cable, then put on cable’s old coat, added adverts, split the channels into separate apps, and asked for your lunch money.

Hermit Off Script

Streaming subscriptions are now too many to count with one modest salary, unless the salary has been promoted to emotional support animal. There was a time when Netflix looked like the blessed little door in the wall: films, series, big studios, one login, one bill, one sofa-shaped kingdom. Then every studio looked at that kingdom and thought, “Lovely. Let’s each build a toll booth.” So now the same entertainment cupboard has been smashed into Netflix, Disney+, Apple TV+, Paramount+, Amazon Prime Video, HBO Max, and whatever shiny app will arrive next week wearing a cape made of venture capital and cancelled shows. The joke is not only that we pay more. The joke is that we pay more to do more admin. Every month becomes a tiny household audit. Which app has the one series? Which app lost the old film? Which app now has adverts despite charging money? Which app raised its price because apparently “content investment” means the customer must adopt a billionaire’s spreadsheet like a sick Victorian orphan. And yes, if you abandon the subscription swamp and crawl back to old TV, there is still the TV licence sitting there like a ceremonial tax on owning a rectangle. Add broadband, because without internet the streaming empire is just expensive icons. Add council tax, gas, electricity, bus passes, mobile phones, cloud storage, software, and then music, where the free version often feels less like freedom and more like a radio station trapped in a vending machine. The richest companies in the world have learned the oldest trick: don’t sell ownership, sell permission. Don’t sell culture, rent access. Don’t reward artists properly, optimise the platform. Meanwhile ordinary wages shuffle behind inflation like a tired extra in scene 47, carrying a broken umbrella. Streaming did not free us from cable. It made cable modular, moodier, and better at direct debits.

What does not make sense

• We escaped bundled TV only to rebuild it manually with 7 apps and worse passwords.
• Paying for a service and still seeing adverts is not innovation. It is cable TV wearing moisturiser.
• Studios pulled their own films from shared libraries, then acted surprised when customers needed a detective board to find one movie.
• The same companies selling “choice” make cancellation feel like defusing a bomb in a badly translated submarine.
• The industry says prices rise to support content, while writers, actors, musicians, and production staff still fight for fair pay.
• Free music tiers are sold as access, but often behave like a polite hostage situation with adverts.
• A modest worker is expected to fund internet, TV, music, transport, energy, council tax, and then clap because a new app added one dragon show.

Sense check / The numbers

1. In Q4 2025, 20.6 million UK homes, or 69.7 per cent, had access to at least one subscription video-on-demand service. Netflix reached 18.0 million UK homes, Amazon Prime Video 13.8 million, Disney+ 7.6 million, Paramount+ 3.5 million, and Apple TV+ 3.0 million. [Barb]
2. The UK Government said 85 per cent of people use an on-demand service each month, compared with 67 per cent who watch live TV. That is not a niche habit. That is the new living room. [GOV.UK]
3. Netflix’s UK Standard plan rose to GBP 12.99 a month in 2025, while Premium reached GBP 18.99 a month. Standard with adverts went to GBP 5.99 a month. [MoneySavingExpert]
4. A basic non-luxury stack can easily hit about GBP 77.94 a month before broadband: Netflix Standard at GBP 12.99, Disney+ Standard at GBP 9.99, Apple TV+ at GBP 9.99, Amazon Prime at GBP 8.99, Paramount+ Standard at GBP 7.99, Spotify Premium Individual at GBP 12.99, and the TV licence averaged at GBP 15 a month from GBP 180 a year. That is GBP 935.28 a year, before the router has even blinked. [Netflix / Disney+ / Apple / Amazon / Radio Times / Spotify / GOV.UK]
5. UK real regular pay growth was only 0.2 per cent in December 2025 to February 2026 after inflation adjustment. So yes, the apps are sprinting while wages are tying their shoelaces in the rain. [ONS]

The sketch

Scene 1: The One Door
Panel description: A tired worker stands before one glowing door labelled “Netflix”. Behind it are shelves full of films and series.
Dialogue:
Worker: “Finally. One bill. One place. Peace.”
Door: “Enjoy this historical accident while it lasts.”

Scene 2: The Toll Booth Bloom
Panel description: The single door splits into 8 smaller doors, each with a smiling corporate mascot holding a card machine.
Dialogue:
Disney Door: “Your childhood now requires a separate tribute.”
Worker: “How did one app become a whole tax bracket?”
Paramount Door: “And your action films live behind another toll booth.”

Scene 3: The Modern Sofa Tax
Panel description: The worker sits on a sofa surrounded by direct debit receipts, a router, a TV licence envelope, and a mute television showing adverts.
Dialogue:
Worker: “I pay to watch adverts now?”
Television: “Yes, but in high definition.”
Router: “Don’t forget me. I am the bridge to your financial undoing.”

What to watch, not the show

• The move from ownership to access, where you never quite own the thing you love.
• The re-bundling of entertainment after years of pretending bundles were the enemy.
• Ad tiers creeping into paid services like damp through a landlord’s promise.
• Wages failing to keep pace with the subscription pile-up.
• Artists and production workers fighting for fair pay while platforms chase scale.
• Broadband becoming the hidden gatekeeper for every “cheap” entertainment option.
• The quiet exhaustion of household admin, where leisure now needs a spreadsheet.

The Hermit take

Cancel what you don’t love this month. Rotate ruthlessly.
The richest app is the one you forgot you were paying for.

Keep or toss

Keep / Toss.

Keep one or two services you genuinely use.
Toss the guilt, the zombie subscriptions, and the idea that every logo deserves a permanent seat at your table.

Sources

• Barb Q4 2025 SVOD data: https://www.barb.co.uk/news/barb-releases-q4-2025-svod-subscriptions-data/
• GOV.UK on enhanced VoD regulation and monthly use: https://www.gov.uk/government/news/uks-video-on-demand-services-to-have-enhanced-ofcom-regulation
• GOV.UK TV licence fee 2026/27: https://www.gov.uk/government/news/cost-of-tv-licence-fee-set-for-202627
• MoneySavingExpert Netflix UK price rise: https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2025/02/netflix-price-hike/
• Disney+ UK plans and prices: https://help.disneyplus.com/en-GB/article/disneyplus-price
• Apple TV+ UK price: https://www.apple.com/uk/apple-tv/
• Amazon Prime UK membership cost: https://www.aboutamazon.co.uk/news/retail/how-much-is-amazon-prime-membership-cost-benefits
• Paramount+ UK prices: https://www.radiotimes.com/technology/technology-deals/paramount-plus-offers-uk/
• Spotify Premium UK price: https://www.spotify.com/uk/premium/
• ONS average weekly earnings, April 2026: https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/bulletins/averageweeklyearningsingreatbritain/april2026