Anaconda (2025) Bites Cinema, Then Slithers Home in 46 Days

Lede

Anaconda spends 99 minutes behaving like a streaming comedy in cinema clothes, then reaches UK home screens 46 days later and confirms the joke.

Hermit Off Script

Anaconda plays like a roast of the 1997 film, which is fine, except it cannot decide whether it wants to be clever parody, broad studio comedy or playground dare. It bounces between genuinely funny and weirdly childish. The urine-on-the-bite scene is exactly the sort of joke that makes me check whether I have accidentally entered a mate’s group chat instead of a cinema. The BBFC confirms the scene, so the problem is not my memory. Someone is bitten, and another character is required to urinate on the wound. Cinema history survives another important milestone.
I kept thinking that without the big names, this would have been flattened on a large screen. The whole thing carries “streaming night” energy: start it, judge it within 10 minutes, then either continue out of curiosity or abandon it without remorse. Then there is the Christ the Redeemer aerial shot. To my eye, it looked compressed and detached from the surrounding footage, as though someone had stapled a travel clip into the edit and hoped the statue would distract me.
Still, Jack Black and Paul Rudd have the dependable charm required to make a shopping list feel like a set piece. They do real work here. Steve Zahn helps as well. That is also the problem. The stars keep supplying warmth while the film keeps changing tone underneath them.
When a film leans this hard on “you can pause me” energy, cinema loses another little battle. At home, I can pause, skip or go to the toilet without paying for the privilege of having the film suggest it first.

P.S. Update – 24 July 2026:
Since this article was written, Anaconda has completed its cinema run and moved through digital and streaming release. Sony listed the UK Home Premiere for 10 February 2026, 46 days after its Boxing Day cinema opening. The Numbers now lists approximately USD 135.39 million worldwide against a reported USD 45 million production budget, while Rotten Tomatoes currently shows 48 per cent from critics and 74 per cent from verified audiences. Those later figures do not change what I experienced in the cinema. They explain what happened after it.

Anaconda (2025) | Official Trailer

Movie synopsis

Doug and Griff are lifelong friends whose plans for creative success never quite worked out. Facing middle age, they decide to pursue an old dream by travelling to the Amazon to make their own version of the 1997 film Anaconda. They gather a small crew and begin filming, but their amateur production becomes a real survival story when an enormous anaconda appears and starts hunting them.

Cast and credits

Director: Tom Gormican
Writers: Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten, based on Anaconda written by Hans Bauer, Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr.
Genre: Adventure comedy and creature feature
Main cast: Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Steve Zahn, Thandiwe Newton, Daniela Melchior, Selton Mello and Ione Skye
Composer: David Fleming
Production company/studio: Columbia Pictures and Fully Formed Entertainment; distributed by Sony Pictures Releasing
Runtime: 99 minutes
Release year and platform: Released in UK cinemas on 26 December 2025; available for digital purchase and rental in the UK from 10 February 2026

What does not make sense

• Sony markets it as “not a reboot”, while the entire joke depends on recognising the film it is rebooting, remaking or spiritually borrowing.
• It mocks Hollywood’s reliance on familiar intellectual property while relying on familiar intellectual property to exist.
• The film wants parody, friendship comedy, creature horror and action spectacle, then wonders why the tone looks congested.
• Jack Black, Paul Rudd and Steve Zahn provide most of the warmth while the screenplay repeatedly interrupts them for another broad gag.
• A reported USD 45 million production occasionally contains shots that, to my eye, look less polished than the stars surrounding them.
• The cinema release asks for uninterrupted attention while the film behaves as though a remote control is part of the creative team.
• UK audiences could buy or rent it at home only 46 days after the theatrical release.
• Self-awareness is not automatically satire. Sometimes it is merely the film announcing the problem before repeating it.

Sense check / The numbers

1. Anaconda opened in UK cinemas on 26 December 2025. The BBFC lists the cinema version at 99 minutes and 8 seconds. [Sony] [BBFC]
2. The Numbers reports a USD 45 million production budget and approximately USD 135.39 million in worldwide ticket sales. [The Numbers]
3. Its final reported total includes approximately USD 65.10 million domestically and USD 70.29 million internationally. [The Numbers]
4. Rotten Tomatoes currently lists a 48 per cent critic score from 157 reviews and a 74 per cent audience score from more than 2,500 verified ratings. [Rotten Tomatoes]
5. The US digital release arrived 33 days after the US cinema opening, the UK Home Premiere followed 46 days after the UK opening, and the US Netflix release arrived 90 days after Christmas Day. [The Numbers] [Sony] [Netflix]

The sketch

Scene 1: Premium ticket, pasted postcard
A cashier hands over a full-price cinema ticket while a blurry landmark image appears taped onto the screen.
Dialogue:
Cashier: “Full price, cheers.”
Viewer: “Why is it blurry?”

Scene 2: The remote wins
A living-room sofa raises a remote like a sword while an abandoned cinema seat holds a crushed popcorn tub.
Dialogue:
Remote: “Pause. Breathe. Bathroom.”
Cinema Seat: “I had scale.”

Scene 3: The tone constrictor
A giant snake tries to swallow signs marked “PARODY” and “THRILLER” at the same time.
Dialogue:
Snake: “I can do both.”
Signs: “Pick one.”

What to watch, not the show

• Familiar properties being used to finance comedies that studios might not approve as original films.
• Famous actors functioning as tone control when the screenplay keeps changing direction.
• Short home-release windows teaching audiences that waiting is easy.
• Cinema pricing making medium-sized comedies harder to justify as theatrical events.
• Self-aware franchise stories using criticism of remakes as part of the remake’s marketing.
• Subscription platforms turning a cinema release into the first stage of a longer distribution plan.

The Hermit take

The cast keeps the snake moving.
The release strategy confirms the sofa was always waiting.

Keep or toss

Verdict: Keep / Toss.

Keep the cast chemistry and the idea of ordinary friends chasing an old dream.
Toss the tonal confusion and the jokes that arrive already asking for the pause button.

Sources

• Official Sony Pictures UK synopsis, cast, credits and home release: https://www.sonypictures.co.uk/movies/anaconda
• BBFC UK cinema runtime and content classification: https://www.bbfc.co.uk/release/anaconda-q29sbgvjdglvbjpwwc0xmdm0mzmw
• Current box office, budget and US digital release: https://www.the-numbers.com/movie/Anaconda-%282025%29
• Current critic and audience scores: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/anaconda_2025
• Current Metacritic score: https://www.metacritic.com/movie/anaconda-2025/
• Official Netflix streaming announcement: https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/anaconda-2025-jack-black-release-date-news
• Guardian review and UK cinema release date: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2025/dec/23/anaconda-review-jack-black-paul-rudd