Lede
I used to judge films with a simple thumbs-up or shrug, but roasting made my brain start taking notes like it is on payroll.
Hermit Off Script
Cinema, for me, started as instinct: I liked it, I did not, or it was just OK, and that was the whole review. Now, because I am roasting, my mind keeps circling the thing from every angle that turns up while I am watching. I am lucky enough to have Cineworld Unlimited, and their IMAX room (Cineworld Birmingham – Broad Street) is one of the best IMAX feels I have tested, including in Seoul, South Korea. Unlimited is basically the new Netflix of cinemas, except there is no pause button, no comfort blanket, and no pretending your sofa is ergonomic. The funny part is that the subscription gets me out every week, and I end up watching films I would not even click on at home… yet on a big screen and good sound they suddenly make sense. What does not make sense is how little cinemas innovate now, how rarely they improve the rooms or the offers, and how cleaning is not treated like the absolute baseline when sticky floors and rogue popcorn show up like unwanted cameos. Also, I wish Western cinema-goers had more appetite for Korean cinema, and Japanese too, because the ideas and craft over there deserve more than a rare odd screening.
And please take my roasts with a grain of salt: my preferences are mine, yours are yours, and if we all liked the same thing, life would be painfully boring. So do not take my blabbering as a stop sign. Go watch the film anyway.
What does not make sense
- A cinema sells “the big-screen experience” but sometimes forgets the small details like floors not being sticky.
- Subscriptions are meant to build loyalty, yet the experience can feel like it is coasting on habit.
- Streaming is blamed for everything, while cinemas leave obvious upgrades on the table.
- IMAX is treated like a premium cathedral, but the basics sometimes look like a rushed clean-up after a school disco.
- Great international films exist, but distribution still behaves like curiosity is a niche hobby.
Sense check / The numbers
- Cineworld says Unlimited members can pre-book up to 5 films at a time online or in the app, with no online booking fee for those bookings. [Cineworld]
- Cineworld lists IMAX at 25 cinemas, while its help centre says there are 26 IMAX-equipped cinemas across the UK – which is either growth or counting, depending on the day. [Cineworld]
- Cineworld’s Unlimited terms describe five different Unlimited membership groups, each covering different sets of cinemas. [Cineworld]
- South Korea’s cinema admissions fell 45 per cent since 2019 (about 226 million to 123 million), with box office revenue dropping from about $1.3 billion to $812 million – so even the home of modern Korean cinema is feeling the squeeze. [Guardian]
The sketch
Scene 1: “Unlimited, limited mop”
Panel: I scan my Unlimited ticket like I am entering the future; my shoe peels off the floor like a sad sticker.
Dialogue:
- Me: “IMAX, take me away.”
- Floor: “Not until you leave a layer of yourself behind.”
Scene 2: “The pause button priest”
Panel: At home, a streaming app offers pause, snacks, and silence; at the cinema, a loud wrapper performs interpretive dance.
Dialogue:
- Streamer: “Press pause. Control your universe.”
- Cinema: “No pause. Feel alive. Also, good luck with that wrapper.”
Scene 3: “The gatekeeper’s menu”
Panel: A cinema manager holds a menu board: “Franchise Sequel 9” in huge letters; “Korean thriller” written in tiny chalk at the bottom.
Dialogue:
- Me: “Any Korean films this week?”
- Manager: “We have one. At 10:35 on a Tuesday. In Screen 14. The one near the bins.”
What to watch, not the show
- Subscription economics: get you through the door often, then hope you stop noticing the cracks.
- Distribution power: a few buyers decide what “the public” gets to want.
- Risk aversion: “known IP” beats “new voice” even when the new voice is better.
- Attention habits: streaming trains people to nibble content, cinema needs to earn commitment again.
- Experience debt: every sticky floor and tired seat is a small loan taken against future loyalty.
The Hermit take
Roasts are my way of watching with my eyes open, not just my wallet.
Take the jokes lightly, but take the habit seriously: go watch things on a big screen anyway.
Keep or toss
Keep
Keep the curiosity and the cinema ritual.
Toss the idea that a “premium experience” can survive on autopilot.
Sources
- Cineworld Unlimited membership overview: https://www.cineworld.co.uk/static/en/uk/unlimited
- Cineworld IMAX page: https://www.cineworld.co.uk/imax
- Cineworld Unlimited terms and conditions: https://www.cineworld.co.uk/static/en/uk/terms/unlimited
- Guardian on South Korea’s cinema admissions and revenue drops: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/dec/28/behind-crisis-korean-film-why-k-pop-isnt-immune
