Lede

The foul little irony is that it may take a man who sounds like he admires dictators to break a few dictators, but the same man will not leave the stage politely when his own time is up.

Hermit Off Script

Trump, Iran, Starmer, tyrants, the whole deranged theatre of it – that is the rant. I get the ugly logic behind it. It takes a wannabe dictator, or at least a man who clearly enjoys the smell of authoritarian furniture polish, to go after other dictators and authoritarian regimes. Trump has that energy in spades. Every time he does a press conference it sounds less like statesmanship and more like open-mic night with missiles in the background. The timing, the boasting, the random detours, the childish insults – it is stand-up comedy performed by a man who thinks the world is a wrestling promo. And yet there is a sick possibility buried in all that noise: that this sort of brute, reckless, ego-drunk figure may indeed help smash parts of the dark side of the world simply because he speaks its language. Reuters has reported both Trump’s own “dictator” joke from December 2023 and John Kelly’s later claim that Trump “prefers the dictator approach to government”, which Trump’s side denied. So the point is not subtle. The point is grotesque. That is also why Starmer not following Trump blindly into Iran makes sense to me. If even a close ally looks at the man and decides, “No, I need an actual plan before I join your fireworks,” that is not weakness, that is basic adult supervision. Reuters reported that Starmer said Britain did not join the initial U.S.-Israeli assault on Tehran because any British military action needed a “viable, thought-through plan” and because he did not believe in “regime change from the skies”. Later, he said Britain would not be drawn into a wider war in Iran, even while working with allies on a wider plan around the Strait of Hormuz. That is the key difference. Starmer may be bland, but bland is still better than following a child with a red button and no follow-up beyond the next insult. My actual point is harsher than the polite version. American people may have to go through hell to reach the other side of this. Trump may well batter other hellish regimes on the way down. Fine. There is a blessing-in-disguise theory there, nasty but not entirely absurd. But if elections finally start to bring him down, he will not go quietly, not gracefully, not with some noble speech about the will of the people. Reuters reported this month that he said he would “remember” Britain’s lack of support in Iran, which tells you everything about the man’s emotional age. The next big electoral wall is 3 November 2026, with all 435 House seats and 35 Senate seats up. If that wall hits him, he will not bow, he will kick, scream, accuse, threaten and call the whole thing stolen by breakfast. So yes, maybe he knocks over a few tyrants on the way. The last tyrant-shaped mess he needs to clean is the one staring back at him from the mirror.

What does not make sense

• Expecting Starmer to follow Trump into Iran without a clear plan just because Trump shouts louder.
• Pretending Trump’s press conferences are merely funny when they are funny in the way a man juggling petrol is funny.
• Hoping a dictator-adjacent personality can clean up authoritarianism without eventually turning that same method inward.
• Believing that if elections hurt Trump, he will suddenly discover humility, manners and constitutional poetry.
• Acting shocked that a man who admires strongman theatre may be useful against strongmen, while forgetting that he also wants the lead role.

Sense check / The numbers

1. In December 2023 Trump said he would not become a dictator “other than day one”. In October 2024, Reuters reported that former chief of staff John Kelly said Trump “prefers the dictator approach to government”, which Trump’s team denied. [Reuters]
2. On 2 March 2026 Reuters reported that Starmer defended refusing to join strikes on Iran, saying his decisions were guided by law and the “national interest”. On 3 March 2026 Reuters reported Starmer’s view that any British action needed a “viable, thought-through plan” and that he did not believe in “regime change from the skies”. [Reuters]
3. On 15 March 2026 Reuters reported that Britain would not be drawn into a wider war in Iran. The same report said about a fifth of global oil and liquefied natural gas normally passes through the Strait of Hormuz and that prices had risen to more than $100 a barrel. [Reuters]
4. On 7 March 2026 Reuters reported that Trump said he “will remember” Britain’s lack of support during the Iran conflict and that he did not need Britain’s help to win the war. [Reuters]
5. According to the Bipartisan Policy Center, the next federal electoral test is 3 November 2026, when all 435 House seats and 35 Senate seats will be contested. [Bipartisan Policy Center]

The sketch

Scene 1: “Open-mic empire”
Panel description: Trump stands at a podium under a comedy-club spotlight. Behind him is a map of the world with several dictators drawn as bowling pins.
Dialogue:
Trump: “Tonight’s set is called ‘Regime Change, Maybe’.”
Staffer: “Sir, that is the actual policy folder.”

Scene 2: “The adult in the room”
Panel description: Starmer stands at a doorway marked “Iran”, holding a clipboard labelled “Plan”. Trump is outside in a toy general’s hat, banging on the door with a flagpole.
Dialogue:
Trump: “Come on, just follow me.”
Starmer: “Into what, exactly?”
Trump: “Details are for losers.”

Scene 3: “Election night furniture removal”
Panel description: A battered ballot box rolls towards Trump like a grand piano on wheels. Trump braces himself against the White House door while shouting at the crowd.
Dialogue:
Crowd: “Time’s up.”
Trump: “Fake piano. Rigged wheels.”

What to watch, not the show

• Whether “national interest” keeps beating alliance theatre in London.
• How often Trump confuses strategy with public tantrum.
• Whether foreign-policy chaos is being sold to voters as masculine clarity.
• Midterm pressure, especially if investigations and losses start closing in.
• The appetite for authoritarian methods dressed up as emergency necessity.
• The risk that people forgive domestic strongman instincts because they enjoy seeing foreign tyrants punched.

The Hermit take

Sometimes a wrecking ball does hit the right wall.
That does not make it fit to run the house.

Keep or toss

Keep / Toss
Keep the refusal to trail after childish chaos into Iran.
Toss the fantasy that Trump will clean the world and then quietly clean himself up when voters come for him.

Sources

• Reuters, “Trump: I won’t be a dictator if I become U.S. president again”
• Reuters, “Trump meets definition of a fascist, his former chief of staff says”
• Reuters, “Brushing off Trump criticism, UK’s Starmer defends actions over Iran”
• Reuters, “Trump says UK’s Starmer is no Winston Churchill after rift over Iran strikes”
• Reuters, “UK’s Starmer resists being drawn into wider Iran war, offers help on strait”
• Reuters, “Trump tells Britain he does not need its help to win Iran war”
• Bipartisan Policy Center, “The 2026 Midterms: Key Dates and Events”