Lede

Once upon a time, the Predator hunted soldiers in the jungle. Now it hunts plot coherence in space.

Hermit Comment Disclaimer:

I actually liked Predator: Badlands and had a great time watching it in IMAX. If this roast nudges more people to go and see it, then it has hit the target. The jokes here are aimed at the years of franchise drift and studio nonsense, not at this film itself. Badlands deserves credit for its direction and craft, and this roast is meant as a backhanded praise, not a takedown.

P.S. Treat it as exactly what it is: a roast, nothing more.

Predator: Badlands (2025) – Roast Movie Synopsis – Updated 11/12/2025

In Predator: Badlands, a runt Predator called Dek is kicked out of his clan on Yautja Prime and fired off to Genna, a corporate death planet where even the houseplants want you dead. There, he teams up with Thia, a half-mangled Weyland Yutani synth who has more emotional range than most human leads, to hunt the Kalisk, an unkillable apex monster that regenerates like Marvel IP. When the company shows up to bottle the creature, study Dek, and let Thia’s colder sister, Tessa, play mad scientist, the film pretends to be about evolution, free will, and corporate AI ethics. Still, it is really about watching a PG-13 franchise try to look brutal without showing too much actual brutality.

It is the first Predator film that openly makes the Yautja the hero and an underdog, so you get a lot of soulful mask tilts and dad issues in between stylish creature smackdowns and VFX-heavy vistas where everything on screen is synthetic, including the feelings. Badlands wants to say something profound about survival and identity, but mostly proves that the only thing evolving here is the merchandising strategy. Think Prey went on a corporate retreat with Alien, HR signed off on an empathy upgrade for the hunter, and someone handed the therapy dog a plasmacaster.

Predator: Badlands | Official Trailer

Cast and Credits for Predator: Badlands (2025):

Director: Dan Trachtenberg
Writers: Patrick Aison; Story by Dan Trachtenberg & Patrick Aison
Main Cast: Elle Fanning (Thia / Tessa); Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi (Dek / Father (voice))
Composers: Sarah Schachner; Benjamin Wallfisch
Studios / Production: Lawrence Gordon Productions; Davis Entertainment; Toberoff Entertainment; Distributor: 20th Century Studios
Runtime: 107 minutes
Releases: US theatrical release 7 November 2025

What does not make sense

• The galaxy is vast, yet somehow every planet looks like Arizona with mood lighting.
• The “humans” are synthetic but speak perfect English. The Predator, fluent in English, chooses subtitles instead.
• The film tries to be profound about AI consciousness while also showing heads explode like melons at a county fair.
• No explanation how the Predator learned syntax but not tone.
• The IMAX release feels less immersive and more like an expensive migraine.

Sense check / The numbers

1. Runtime: 1 hour 52 minutes. That’s 1 hour too long for a plot thinner than alien skin. [IMDb]
2. Rotten Tomatoes: 63%. Critics call it “ambitious”; translation: “we didn’t hate it enough.” [Rotten Tomatoes]
3. Budget: around $90 million. Could have bought 1,000 real jungles for that. [Variety]
4. Release: October 2025, 20th Century Studios. [Official press release]
5. Cast: Thomas Jane cameo, some synth newcomers, and one very confused Predator. [IMDb]

The sketch

Panel 1: A synth scientist says, “We built this world to study evolution.”
Panel 2: Predator appears, replies, “You first.”
Panel 3: Explosions, subtitles say “[INTRIGUED CLICKING NOISES].”

What to watch, not the show

• Studios recycling IPs instead of creating new myths.
• The fetish of “AI characters” who feel more human than the script.
• Spectacle replacing story.
• Nostalgia weaponised for box office survival.

The Hermit take

The jungle has moved to space, but the soul got lost in transit.
Evolution? No. It’s extinction dressed as a sequel.

Keep or toss

Keep the IMAX chaos. It hits like a Predator roar in your chest and reminds you why big screens still matter. If you go for spectacle, not sense, it delivers. The plot may be buried in red sand, but the experience? Absolutely devours you.
Toss the language logic, the lore drift, and every scene that thinks depth means dim lighting.

Sources

IMDb – https://www.imdb.com/title/tt31227572/
Rotten Tomatoes – https://www.rottentomatoes.com
Variety – https://variety.com
20th Century Studios Press Release – https://press.20thcenturystudios.com
Wikipedia – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predator%3A_Badlands

Bites Back From Socials (06/12/2025)

Predator: Badlands (2025) – Roast Movie Synopsis – Original
_____________________________________________________
In Predator: Badlands, humanity is gone but not really. The survivors are synthetic shells pretending to be deep, stranded on a death planet where everything has teeth and a grudge. The Predator shows up, apparently fluent in their language yet still subtitled like it failed English 101. The plot pretends to explore evolution and AI consciousness but mostly devolves into scenic dismemberment with philosophical lighting. It’s a film that wants to say something about survival but ends up proving only that the franchise has none left. Think Prometheus had a baby with a malfunctioning Roomba and then gave it a plasma cannon.

Sometimes I read a review so fucking dumb that I have to wonder if the “author” actually watched the movie. Not only does he seem to have not watched it, but he’s got a whole fucking page about how much he uses AI, the fucking dweeb.
—Random commenter

Thanks for reading. Yes, I watched the movie and enjoyed it in IMAX. The post is a roast of franchise fatigue and studio habits, not of this film or its fans. I use tools, but the takes are mine. If it wound you up, the roast worked. If it gets a few people to watch and decide, I am OK with that.
—The Modern Hermit

DID you watch it though? Cause you seem to have made up a bunch of shit in the first paragraph, like Dek understanding English, of exploring AI consciousness, or even talking about evolution. Also you said everything has teeth. There are like two dozen species introduced and three have tee.
—Random commenter

YEAH, I watched it. The opener is a roast riff, so the Dek/language gag, the evolution/AI bit, and the teeth line are me pushing themes, not quoting the film. I enjoyed it in IMAX; I am mostly swinging at the franchise drift, not Badlands itself.
—The Modern Hermit

Making shit up isn’t “pushing themes” though. There is no way you are a real author.
—Random commenter

Satire exaggerates, and it does not notarise plot points. You do not have to like the style, but that does not make the author imaginary.
—The Modern Hermit