AI Is Not Magic Yet – It Is a Turbocharged Parrot


Silhouette magician pulls a long scroll labelled "Training Data" from a hat; a locked glass case behind is labelled "New Laws", with a small sign reading "Verification sold separately".

Lede

We built a machine that can autocomplete the library, then acted surprised it cannot rewrite the laws of nature.


Stephen Wolfram: No AI has impressed me – Reality is code (New Scientist)


What does not make sense

  • Calling autocomplete “intuition” because it sounds confident.
  • Pretending discovery is just “more data”, when history is full of leaps made before the data existed.
  • Treating “it did in minutes what took years” as proof of understanding, rather than proof of compression.
  • Acting like reproducing Newton or Einstein would be “new”, when it is just catching up to the human ceiling.
  • Saying “quantum” like it is a spell that turns pattern matching into insight.

Sense check / The numbers

  1. The LHC is a 27-kilometre ring, the world’s largest and most powerful particle accelerator, first started up on 10 September 2008. That is what “testing” looks like when you stop romanticising genius and start paying for magnets. [CERN]
  2. AlphaFold’s 2021 Nature paper reports regular protein structure prediction at atomic accuracy, validated in CASP14, and it “greatly outperform[s]” previous methods. That is a real breakthrough, but it is still grounded in known biology and evaluation benchmarks. [Nature]
  3. DeepMind says determining one protein structure experimentally can take several years and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, while AlphaFold can predict structures in minutes. That is acceleration of human labour, not proof of machine intuition. [DeepMind]
  4. Stephen Wolfram argues “inevitably and firmly no” to the idea that AI will answer the ultimate question of whether it can solve science, while still stressing it can importantly help scientific progress. That is the whole game – power, wrapped in a progress costume. [Wolfram Writings]
  5. In the clip, Wolfram says no AI has yet impressed him with a real breakthrough in understanding the ‘machine code of the universe’. That is a cold sentence from a man who practically sleeps in computation – so when he shrugs, it is worth listening. [YouTube]

The sketch

Scene 1: The Genius Museum
Panel: A dusty hall of portraits labelled “Newton”, “Einstein”, “Curie”. A tour guide points to a new exhibit: a shiny vending machine.
Dialogue:
Guide: “It dispenses answers!”
Visitor: “Does it dispense laws?”
Scene 2: The Lab Budget Meeting
Panel: A scientist slides a bill across the table: “27 km ring, superconducting magnets”. A CEO slides back a pitch deck: “AI will replace physics”.
Dialogue:
Scientist: “Where is your collider?”
CEO: “We have vibes.”
Scene 3: AlphaFold Karaoke Night
Panel: AI on stage singing from a massive songbook titled “Existing Biology”. A human holds a blank notebook titled “New Law”.
Dialogue:
AI: “I can sing every song!”
Human: “Cool. Write one.”



What to watch, not the show

  • Incentives: funding follows demos, not slow verification.
  • Media habits: confidence reads as competence.
  • Benchmark theatre: winning a test becomes “solving reality”.
  • Corporate mythology: “magic” sells better than “tool”.
  • Long-term risk: outsourcing curiosity until nobody remembers how to doubt.

The Hermit take

AI is a lever, not a prophet.
If you want new laws, keep humans sharp and make the machines useful.

Keep or toss

Keep / Toss
Keep the acceleration, the tooling, the grind-killing utility.
Toss the mystical language and the lazy claim that prediction equals understanding.


Sources

  • Stephen Wolfram – No AI has impressed me (YouTube):
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Kyvp1Rd6aM
  • Wolfram Writings – Can AI Solve Science?:
    https://writings.stephenwolfram.com/2024/03/can-ai-solve-science/
  • Nature – Highly accurate protein structure prediction with AlphaFold:
    https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-021-03819-2
  • DeepMind – AlphaFold overview:
    https://deepmind.google/science/alphafold/
  • CERN – The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) overview:
    https://home.web.cern.ch/science/accelerators/old-large-hadron-collider

Satire and commentary. Opinion pieces for discussion. Sources at the end. Not legal, medical, financial, or professional advice.


Satire and commentary. My views. For information only. Not advice.


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